What’s really been happening…

in my regular probably obscure terms.

My last comment from a reader was sometime in mid-March.  Alece of the powerful gritandglory.com told me:

“you sound content. hopeful. joy-filled. makes me smile.”

At the time, I thought I was really truly was content, hopeful, and joy-filled.  Maybe I was, maybe it wouldn’t last.

It didn’t.

30 days later I shattered what I knew of life-the life I had been living, at least.

The life I thought I was supposed to be living.  Turns out I had to leave that life.

And boy, did I ever leave it just maybe not the way I was supposed go.  And yet, I stayed in it too.  Same job, same house, same church, same groceries in the fridge.  In fact, I’m still here except in a new house with more cereal.

I departed my own life and I still haven’t returned.  And I don’t think I got to where I was supposed to be.

At least not yet.

And I didn’t get any better.  Contentment, hope, joy-what has that been but trying to fill hours and make it a week without crying.

Not much.

But this is me saying I have spent 228 days surviving.

Certainly not thriving dear alliterative youth pastors, not thriving.

But…through some Bible – more in a few days than I had taken in months and quiet time and some rich emails and blog posts from others, I am ready to reclaim.

And by reclaim, I mean tie it all in a knot and lay it at the feet of my Savior.

Because this is nothing if not HIS life.

Because I gave it to HIM years ago.

So I am ready.

For your prayers, verses, book recommendations, song links.

And ready for the power of the Holy Spirit to be mine again, to make me HIS, to make me content, hopeful, and joyful so that when HE looks on me, HE too smiles.