The Post You Probably Have (Not) Been Waiting For…

I think I’ve had a bit of a pride issue.  Only wanting to blog whe I have wonderful news to share.  News like I got into medical school or I am going back to Africa or I got a boyfriend or something similarly awesome.  But the sad part is none of the above are true.

I have been officially rejected from five medical schools without even an interview.

And I still have not heard a response from the one medical school interview I had with University of Washington (#1 for practicing physicians and NIH grants).  This means I am definitely not accepted and most likely not even on the waitlist it seems.  A slow no, boy, it’s painful. 

No job in sight still.  Even the World Vision contract for one month’s work for the Middle East region hasn’t come to real fruition yet even though its been over two months since they first broached the idea with me.

There is this slight possiblity of some more work with World Vision for some projects for about six months but no one can say if it’s officially true or where it is or what I would do with my life after those six months are done.  Would I be back in this very same position?

This 3.5 months of waiting for nothing.  Doing nothing but home life and church life back and forth.  If I even get to a grocery store once a month I am excited for the adventure it is.  But I am so unsatisfied, and generally not happy.  It is depressing and quite often I wonder if I too am depressed by it.

It’s not to say I think God has given up on me.  See, I stil feel like he has something big planned but I can’t seem to figure otu what it is and even what I guess it might be tends to fail.  And I believe strongly in being still and knowing that God is God and that he has plans to prosper me.  But what are the plans for right now, this awful slow game?

I had all these thoughts and plans and dreams when I came back home.  Getting a temp job, having med school interviews, getting accepted to one of those schools if not a few, then going back to South Africa by Feb 14th for another six months before returning to start medical school in the fall.  And if I couldn’t go back to Africa by Feb 14th, I’d find some great job here in Seattle and be moved out and stable by March 1st.  Laughable isn’t it, the plans of mice and men and Jen?

But here I am at home on the couch getting to be known by my youngest sister as the one who sits with her laptop all day-applying for jobs, reading blogs, and watching online tv.  pathetic with an uncapitalized p.

I bake rarely as Dad hates the messes I always seem to make afterwards, I can’t get myself to garden as much as I know I enjoy it, and we use a dryer for our clothes instead of clothesline and good old fashioned sunshine.  And even as much as I love Seattle and the Northwest I rarely see any of it.  Just home-church-library-church-home.  Definitely nothing like Africa where every morning I woke up with joy at the very thought of being in Africa.  Driving to a McDonalds was always amazing because I was driving to a McDonalds in Africa!

But now here I am on the couch viewing the dreary weather, job sites, and online tv.  (I do have some posts formulating, happier ones.  Nice pictures I’ve taken on some of my cooler activities here and finally a report of Zambia-five months later. ) 

But mostly what I want to say is:  Help wanted dear Lord.

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3 Responses to “The Post You Probably Have (Not) Been Waiting For…”

  1. Ah, dear one. Transitions are hard. Well, actually they suck. Big time.

    We don’t know what the future holds, but we do know who holds the future. You sound like you are doing the right things, so keep that up. Don’t give up, keep moving forward. Hang tight to God. This you are doing, and more.

    Give yourself permission to sometimes have bad days. Take the whole day – or maybe just half the day. Go with it, and then move on and keep doing the things you are doing.

    And we want to keep hearing from you. Even if you are discouraged and don’t have great pictures to share. We still want to hear from you.

    Love you.

  2. sometimes i still go to mcdonalds hoping that the experience will match up with the one in africa.

    1. they’ll never sell me a big mac at 8am.
    2. the person taking my order is never named “Patience” and never smiles shyly at me when she hears my accent.

    i feel (some of) your pain

  3. Jen,

    I feel you. Maybe not the whole missing Africa piece, but the plans I thought would work out are not where they should be.

    There isn’t anything amazingly encouraging I can say. I’m still trying to figure out how to stay encouraged myself. But the one thing I do know (and I see you know it as well) is that if we want to see what God has planned, we have to keep seeking His face. And in the meantime, I try to find happiness in the things that I do have…even if they aren’t my first choice of what I’d like to be doing.

    Keep your head up! Keep pressing forward! God will make a way where you are supposed to have a way!

    Let me know if you want to get together sometime. I’ll plan an adventure for us. It won’t compare to the beauties of Africa, I’m sure, but it’ll be something different and hopefully give you a fresh boost of energy. 🙂

    Love you!

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