Marriage on the Mind…

and I thought I was a recovering JBU alum!  Coming from a Christian University background marriage and dating are common topics-though it often felt there were more marriages than dating couples.  Casual dating didn’t exist really.

And as I’ve written elsewhere, three of my four college crushes have since married, one has even divorced already.

Both my big high school crushes are married, quite a lot of my best friends are married.

And the rest of us–well, we’re totally single.

Luckily, after four fantastic years I moved on from JBU.  I met others (especially ladies) who were single, single in their mid-20s, late 20s, 30s, even 40s.  Single and still serving the Lord.  Most, single and looking.

And grad school…only one friend was married.  And one engaged, the rest of us also totally single, but single and looking.  We ranged from 22-27 mostly.

27 is the average age for ladies to get married in the states currently, growing higher and higher each year. 

But honestly, most of us are somewhat seriously looking much younger, Christian or not.

Then I came to South Africa.  Here I am the youngest person of every single one I know.  Everyone I work with is married with children.  I see how busy family-life really keeps people.  I kept feeling like I had nothing to do but I realized I had everything to do, all possibilities open to me, because I had no man desiring dinner and children desiring cuddle time waiting at home for me.

The young and single adults I met, are not as young as I have previously been used to in the states.  They are all 24 and up.  All but two of them are single.  Decidedly single.  Not even looking single.  Especially the guys.  Late 20s, early to mid-30s and up, single.  Totally single.  Wonderful guys, but single.

It is a real cultural phenomenon.  Not that they don’t want to get married, but more that they aren’t even looking.  And honestly, I still haven’t figured out what it is their waiting for… 

At what moment will they know they are ready? 

Do they have to be more than financially secure, able to provide? 

Do they want to travel the world, do wild and crazy things? 

Are they working out every character flaw and last bit of selfishness?

Because in my opinion, God will be my provider.  I am travelling now and hopefully will keep it up with a spouse.  And though God and I are working overtime now, I will never work out all my character flaws or even notice them all until there is someone else acting as a mirror for my selfishness.

Yes, I still have individual goals.  Medical school, residency, pay off those educational loans.

Yes, I still have work to do.

But yes, I want to be married and am really beginning to feel ready to be someone’s best friend for the long haul. 

So…what am I saying?  Not fully sure entirely, wasn’t even sure I’d post this…mostly I just find it interesting and different and cross-cultural and honestly a little frustrating to keep meeting great guys who aren’t looking to meet great girls yet.  Girls who cook/bake really well, love to work hard, are fun, adventurous, and interesting.  A girl who is working hard everyday to develop herself to be worthy to have Jesus as a best friend.  A girl like me?

Maybe it’s time for you to say something?  When did you get married?  Are you married?  How long did you actively wait/look/search for marriage?  What have you learned about marriage either in or out of it?

And just in case you hate this post, hate the memory of single-person awkwardness or the current single-person awkwardness in your own life, or in case you like real life stories, or chick flicks…I will post a link to something wonderful.  This is Pioneer Woman’s own real-life love story…or at least as much of it as she’s written down so far.  She started writing how she met her husband 15 months ago.  She thought she’d get it all out in one post, but like any real and true love story, she realized its depths and is still writing it chapter-by-chapter…


2 Responses to “Marriage on the Mind…”

  1. I think you already know how I feel about singleness. It took me a long time of praying a seeking, but I realized that marriage was something everyone (every single person) in my life wanted for me. But, I didn’t really want it for myself.

    Does God have someone out there for me? Could be. Only God knows for sure. What I do know is that God has made it clear to me (just speakin’ about myself) that I am not to look.

    Society puts a LOT of pressure on people to be married. And I believe it is God’s plan for men and women. He made us that way. He designed and created us to desire one another and be together. In Russia, Sri Lanka, Australia, and America (my personal experiences) married women are treated with more respect than single ladies.

    Not a thing wrong with wanting to get married. You sound like you are going into it with your eyes wide open and with prayer. If it can happen for Pioneer Woman it can happen to you (I just love that love story!). I know someone from Moses Lake who got called to work with orphans in Russia. After a year and a half he met another young lady from Moses Lake over there who had also been called to work with Russian orphans. Only God could do something like that!

  2. I thank you for sharing your personnel experiences in your day to day life in this site.

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